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Aug. 7th, 2010

I <3 Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore is my literary love of the month. I was working the check-in station a few weeks ago when the book "Lamb" was scanned through the computer. I was about to ignore it (like I do with most of the books that pass by) when I saw the subtitle "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Jesus' childhood pal". I died.

From there I went on to skimming the first few pages and was immediately found rolling on the floor (at the check-in station) laughing my butt off. My boss was concerned and asked me what the hell I was doing. All I had to do was show him the cover of the book that had made me dissolve into giggles and his eyes went wide as he exclaimed "You HAVE to check out that book!!! It is one of the funniest books I've EVER read." (And my boss is a fun sorta guy, so I figured I could take his advice.)

A week or so later, I was finished with the library copy of "Lamb", I had purchased my own copy on Amazon, and I had checked out all of the other Christopher Moore books we had available at my library. His work is deliciously funny, but moreover it is very poignant. As much as I was laughing all the way through "Lamb", I had cried at the end because of the pure friendship and feeling of loss that you feel with Biff when Christ is crucified.


I recommend this book to anybody who can laugh at themselves and their religion. (If you can't see the funny side of Jesus, then you really shouldn't read this book, you might be offended.)

Anyway, the next book on my list is "Bloodsucking Fiends", followed by "The Stupidest Angel"...

Thank you Chris Moore for entertaining me!

Aug. 5th, 2010

Well, that fizzled out remarkably well.

*Peeks out from around the corner*  Is anybody still there?  Remember me?  I warned you that I was really horrible at keeping up with my goings on on-line.  I just didn't realize how little I would actually write before I gave up.  I will say that it wasn't entirely my fault.  There was the fact that MY computer died and I had to rely on my husband's computer for email, but outside of that I didn't want to use it too often.  There was the fact that I almost got laid off from my library gig and had to get a second job at a fabric store to supplement my income.  There was the new car that disctracted me and the amazing ongoings of my family...

Okay, so  I guess I could have made time to write a little between all those events, but it's more fun to just pass the blame.

So, uh, yeah.

My husband and I will be celebrating our first anniversary this Sunday!  I'm considering kidnapping him and taking him out of town to the beach, or something for the day.  I think he has plans to take me to a movie...I like my idea better.  We can get some sun, some salty sea-air, some seagulls, and best of all, we could wander around the quirky streets and get some entertaining excersize.  I'm still surprised that we have already been married for a year.  I think it was the quickest year of my life!  (Of course, finally living outside of my parents' house might have also been a factor.)

My birthday was in June and der hubby bought me a 2010 Honda Civic Hybrid!  (YAY!!!!)

It was by-far the best car buying experiance ever.  We went through our Credit Union's personal auto shopper.  I called him up and told him the make, model, year, and color of the car I wanted and three days later it was delivered to my front door.  Awesome sauce.

The same day we ordered my car, I was offered a job at a new Joann's fabric store.  I had honestly thought that I had hit the jackpot!  I was going to be working at a FABRIC store, (and for those of you who don't know, I'm a sewing/crafting freak.)  What I didn't realize was that when I shook hands with the manager, I was actually condemning my soul to hell.  I can't say anything bad about the company in general, but I will say that the location at which I work is poorly run, the employees are consistently back-stabbing eachother and the managers will frequently not let us take breaks.  Fun stuff.

Ooh...Work is almost over, I have to sign off for now.  Will continue this later.

Jan. 29th, 2010

drama, drama, drama

So...As in any situation that begets a lot of drama, it is necessary to offer the back story that explains why everything is so....dramatic.  Sorry for the lack of creativity, but I'm getting really annoyed and I need to vent.  There are some select members of my extended family who have currently gone skinny-dipping in the stupidity pond and refuse to towel off.

So, here's the backstory:

About 10-15 years ago--(I know, you're all groaning because you weren't expecting this story to be so deep-seeded.)  Anyway-- About 10-15 years ago, my cousin Jonathan (who is a few years older than I) was dating this girl named Brittany.  At the time, I thought she was just the bees-knees, which is a sarcastic way of saying that I'm a moron.  I didn't know then that she was a manipulative, drug-addicted, alcoholic, slutty, psycho.  (Believe me, I'm being as nice as I can be...she has tried AA for drug addiction, but failed.  She has cheated on him repeatedly etc...)  In a moment of astonishing clarity Jonathon eventually dumped her and started dating his long-time friend, Tina.  Brittany paid some guy to torch his car and then we never saw her again.

Anyway, so Jonathan's father, Uncle Eddie, passed away last year, which I'm sure most of you who are reading this have read that in passing.  It was an event that, unfortunately, consumed the lives of most everyone in the Fernandes clan*.  Brittany had the gall to show up to the funeral, uninvited.  Jonathan, in an astonishing moment of stupidity, slept with her.  And, because his stupidity cannot be outmatched, she convinced him that because of her DRUG-RELATED and MEDICAL PROBLEMS that she couldn't POSSIBLY get PREGNANT, so it would be LUDICROUS for him to use ANY CONTRACEPTIVE.

What is the aftermath?  Tina has been kicked out of her house and shunned by the entire family (except the few sane members), Brittany is knocked up, and she and Jonathan are getting married this afternoon.  The wedding "invitations" were sent out by e-vite, and nobody was actually invited to the wedding, but everyone was more than welcome to go to the reception and bring a gift.

My husband and I are not going.  The reasons are numerous, mostly because she's a psycho.  Secondarily, because she and Jonathan are pissing people off left and right and not stopping to check the destruction in their wake.  They decision that they should get married was cooked up about a month ago.  His brother, Eddie on the other hand has been dating his fiance for about 15 years and they've been engaged for about 7 years.  Jonathan is getting married today and Eddie's wedding is in April.  Jonathan has claimed the name "Edward" for his child, if it's a boy, in honor of his father, even though Eddie Jr. had more right to that name than anyone else in the world.

Now, what is pissing me off more than all of these inconsiderate actions?  The actions of the other members of the Fernandes clan that are not only LETTING this happen, but who are HAPPY that this is happening.  The family has this unconscionable ability to forget all the crap that this woman has pulled and the unhappiness that she has inflicted in the past. 

Grr...any suggestions?

**The Fernandes Clan is just an inside joke to the size of the family and to how close-knit we usually are...no worries...we are not a scary cult.

Jan. 7th, 2010

(no subject)

Y'know...usually I'm okay with earthquakes.  (Except that one really horrible on that almost destroyed California in '89...which I can't even remember anyway because I was 5 at the time.)  However, after experiencing the little earthquake that skipped through this morning, I'm not so sure I like them anymore.  This was the first earthquake that I've been through in my new home.  I live in a sardine-can-like condo complex.  I have neighbors on both sides, behind me, and above me.  I could literally see the walls lurching forwards and backwards when the quake hit.

I was so scared that I ran out of the house wearing my bathrobe and fuzzy bunny slippers.  (No, that's not an exageration).  I'm sure my neighbors and the construction workers outside thought that was a hoot.


Jan. 5th, 2010

Hee...I'm so addicted

I take absolutely no credit for this, this comic belongs to  AsheRhyder:

but I HAD to post this one .  It's called "Movie night". 

In the order that they are watching them:

Phantom of the Opera
Les MIserables (10 Anniversary Concert)
Pirates of the Carribean 3

Jan. 2nd, 2010

Happy New Year

Thank God that 2009 is completely and totally OVER with. While I admit that my wedding was a shining beacon of wonderfulness, it was the only one in a completely dismal last year. So, away with you, 2009, and on with you, 2010! I will be posting resolutions later, but in the meantime, I have to hook you all onto a web comic that my friend, Lisha sent me.


Imagine if Jareth, Javert, The Phantom, and James Norrington were all roomates. Awesome. All they're really missing is The Man in Black and a couple Buffy/Twilight cameos.

Dec. 12th, 2009

It is I, you're public servant...NOTHING MORE

So, there's this guy...and unfortunately, he's sort of a city landmark here. He drives a powder-blue van that is just COVERED in stickers. The stickers are as varied as "Give extra kisses, receive bigger hugs" and "Play the accordian and go to jail." He's labled himself a professional clown, but I would seriously have to wonder at anyone who would hire him. His entire personna (and van) scream "PEDOPHILE!" or "CHESTOR, THE MOLESTOR!" or "HERBERT THE PERVERT!!"--you get the idea. When I say he's a city landmark, it's because you can go up to almost anyone in this entire city and say "You know that creepy clown guy who drives a powder blue van?" And they will usually say "Yeah, what's up with that?!" I've personally seen that van here there and everywhere since I was fifteen and going to the local highschool.

Anyway, so this guy happens to frequent the library at which I work. Lucky me! He stays to himself, he never speaks a word, and whenever the staff is out "monitoring" the public, his laptop is also focused on something that can be deemed innocent. So, even though his look screams "I'M A PORN STAR, ASK ME HOW?!", we've not been able to make any bad thing stick to him.

So, on Monday when I got into the elevator to go downstairs to close and lock up the building and he entered the elevator from the other side, I expected the same stoicism. Sadly, that was not the case. You see, the alarm on the building had been broken for a while, so the staff had started chaining the doors shut with HUGE, heavy chains. I was carrying the chains for both doors at that time, and I'm sorry to say, it was a turn-on for him.

"Hey", he said "That's what we need more of! Chains! Big, heavy, chains. And maybe a couple whips as well...You could wear some high stilletos and some fishnets. Maybe a mini-skirt...You could teach me a lesson with those whips and chains..."

I, not being a total prude, tried to laugh it off and said "Um, no, I don't think so."

To which he replied "But...but...you have CHAINS! You can't just show me the chains and then leave me alone! Don't be such a TEASE!"

Needless to say, I had to write up an incident report...and take a very hot shower when I got home to scrub Creepy-clown guy oggling off my body.


Anyway, I'm happy to report that the biopsy came back and the test was benign. No breast cancer for me. Unfortunately, after having a needle stuck in there and moved around a lot, my boob looks like a christmas ornament. All red, purple, and gold. Woot-ah

Dec. 7th, 2009


So, yeah, the reason for my latest disappearance from LJ is because I've sunk into the wonderful world of doctors. My new doctor, courtesy of the husband, wanted to do a complete physical starting at the beginning of November, and I'm still not done. I've had more x-rays and ultrasounds taken of my body in the last month than I have in my entire life!

The one I'm the most concerned about, though (uneccessarily, I'm told by everyone I talk to) is the breast issue I've been dealing with for about three years.

Here's a blurb or two on subject. Here! Educate yourselves!

Read more...Collapse )
</div>I've had the biopsy done and now my breast looks like a Christmas ornament. All purple, red and yellowish. Please remind me later in life that I really don't want a needle the size of a pencil shoved into my boob :(

Nov. 3rd, 2009

Wee for Suziness!

So, my sister makes endless fun of me for being her definition of a "Susie Home-Maker"...which bugs me to no end.  I like to think of myself more as "drawn to creative arts" than merely a Susie.  Grr

Anyway, so after that declaration: I AM SO A SUSIE HOME MAKER!

I've decided that since this is my first Christmas in my own house that I need to--get this-- MAKE stockings for me and my husband.  (Cuz, of course, I can't BUY them)  And not only do I want to MAKE the stockings, I want QUILTED stockings.

*face/palm*  I am sad, sad person. 

I think that this Christmas is going to be overly-manufactured anyway.  I'm not sure how many of you read my very first post when I started this journal, but in it, I mentioned the fact that my Uncle Eddie passed away due to a massive heart-attack in April.  I don't know how best to say this, so I'm going to just say it the weird way "Uncle Eddie was Christmas."

Every year my family (translation: My grandmother, her 10 children, and their bazillion children) would all get together around 11:00pm on Christmas Eve.  Around 1:30 or 2 am we'd hear jingle bells outside and Santa would come in and pass out gifts and we'd merrily open gifts until 3 or 4 in the morning, when we'd all bundle up and go home.  You've probably guessed that Uncle Eddie was Santa.  This will be the first Christmas since his passing (obviously) and I just can't imagine it being a happy time for anybody who was in on the Santa Secret.  The younger cousins won't know anything is wrong if one of the older male cousins dresses up this year, or even my Uncle Jim...but I don't think anybody can do it.  It's not because the shoes are hard to fill (which they are), but I just think it would be like a stab in the heart to see Santa this year...not just for me, but for Uncle Eddie's wife, Aunt Lisa, and for Grandbo (grandma) who went through the loss of her child.

Sorry about that tangent. The point is...now that I'm not living in my parent's house and feeling their holiday cheer: not seeing their Christmas lights, not smelling their Christmas tree, and on top of that: Not having my Santa...I just feel like I need to make my own.

So I'm taking the stops out: I'm making stockings, I'm going to build a gingerbread house, I'm going to get my own tree and my Bah-Humbug Scrooge of a Husband will just have to understand.

I am SO sorry that I'm doing a Christmas post a few days after halloween.  Unfortunately, there's a huge influence all around me.  Downtown is already glittered with Christmas Garlands and stores are pushing Christmas Layaway and my mother-in-law keeps bugging me for a Christmas wishlist...so, I'm sorry

Nov. 1st, 2009


Y'know...I had always hoped that my fear of shallow people were unfounded.  Unfortunately, they're not.  I had always feared that my weight was one of the reasons that my family treated me differently than everybody else, and I think I was right.  I went to my mother's annual halloween party last night and hardly anybody was truly nice to me.  I know that sounds childish and immature and everything, but I'm at least used to friendly acknowldegements of my existence.

I've gained 30 lbs since I got married and now I'm the equivalent of the family's leper.  Even my life-long friends (and second parents) were short with me.  *Sigh*  I need to lose the weight.

Oh!  And in case you were wondering how the costume came out: 

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